ARTICLE BY SRT
Strategic Relationship Thinking (SRT)
“Christmasakkah Confessions: A Boomer’s Take on Tradition, Trains, and Finding Joy in Being Different”
Shalom my dear San Diegans: This anecdote is my first memory of, among many things, learning to be me, even when “stiffed” a little. Make that a lot. Personally, I wish to thank Lionel Cowan, for his contribution. No doubt mama and papa yelled “My Son, the Genius!” when in 1884, their seven-year-old, Joshua Lionel Cohen attached a small steam engine to a wooden locomotive and blew up the wallpaper. As a teen, he invented an electric doorbell, but his teacher called it stupid. Worse, he lost a fortune selling the rights to his electric flowerpot. (That’s maybe stupid.) Ah but from seedlings … . The buyer detached the tubes and marketed … the Eveready Flashlight. Wiser, Joshua, with a friend, launched the Lionel Manufacturing Co. in 1900. After attempting to sell portable electric fans, he attached the fan’s motor to a miniature wooden railroad car. This time it didn’t explode. It moved. And the quintessential Christmas gift — Lionel trains — was born. Ah, but thorough the years, another “fauxliday” blew up replacing George Costanza’a Festivus (for the Rest of U: Christmasakkah!
Don’t Send me a Christmasakkah Text. Thank you.
Before you think I’m a crotchety Politically Incorrect old bat who can’t get the Peace on Earth” thing past my antiquated Boomer brain, you would be wrong. It’s not the concept, the philosophy of Joy to the World, Unity in Peace, Appreciation of Difference that gets up my sinuses. It’s the reason. And a little, the method. Back in Boomer days, We Jewish kids didn’t have the option of “Christmasakkah.” If we did, chances are we couldn’t get the whole World in Harmony thing past the ‘rents.’ Most weren’t buying and many, like mine, dutifully explained the lack of relationships between a giant tree in one’s living room and “peace” (even if we called it a “bush”). Red and green lights were reserved for traffic, not strung around houses. As for the rest, was Jesus born on December 25? No. Not close, although Pagans celebrated something then. What about the jolly old guy in a fur-trimmed red suit and toys R Us rations for all good children, who supposedly lives at the North Pole, not to mention, his elves, reindeer and flying sleigh> What does this miraculous man have to do with anything except major multi-tasking? Then there’s mistletoe, holly, and ham, and the fun songs, often written by Jews? Is this confusing? As Jews, we were in a strange position. While writing the daytime drama, “As the World Turns,” my boss at the time, the late, ever fascinating, Douglas Marland, was picking me up for an evening of theater =. I lived in Riverdale, New York, known for its Jewish residents, primarily Orthodox. As I tumbled into the car, he looked at me oddly. Here we were, a few days before Christmas. Houses across every hamlet in America were strung with lights — and then there was here. A tiny turf in the Bronx with nothing but the faint orange glow of Menorahs peeking out of windows demurely into the winter night.
“Where the heck are we …” he asked, awe-struck, “Tel Aviv …?” (This was said without a hint of anti-Semitism.) Undaunted, I explained. This kicked off a discussion of what it was like to grow up in the fifties as a Jew in a non-Jewish neighborhood, which I did as a kid.
Brilliant, verbal, and glib, it is one of the very few times this master storyteller was rendered speechless. Finally, he said: “You know … It never once occurred to me what it must feel like to be an outsider on Christmas.” Although, he, a farm boy, who preferred dreaming in the movies to milking, remained pensive for the rest of the evening.“The Jews are like other people, only more so.” — Proverb
As a young child, Mom and dad explained, and then of course discussed Hanukkah, our holiday, (which is terms of getting stuff, is like comparing Harry and David pears to a raisin, even if you’re doing it right). Of course, I could enjoy for my Christmas pals but no “bushes” with balls – or dreidels. So on the 25th, what’s a Jew to do besides the Chinese food drill? My parents said “enjoy with.”
Oh, I did.
Every Christmas morning at promptly 7 a.m., I ran down the street to my friend, Carol Anne’s house in huge anticipation of the spectacle. What a spectacle! Between trees, boughs, lights, gifts, paper, poinsettias, cookies, popcorn, little Santas, bells, it was a devout Disneyland. She was great and shared her toys while I was there so I could play, too. (Today she’s a nun.) At age seven, I raised the subject again at home? “What about a little, bitty, stocking with chocolate coins?”
Time for a bigger sit-down. Yes, we celebrated differently. Yes, we believed in Israel and the United States. Yes, we desperately wanted peace in the world, and on the block. But, we did things according to Jewish law and custom after which they reminded me of Pesach, Rosh Hashana, Purim, which led into an even more sophisticated discussion of what it means, religiously and historically to be a Jew. “Hmmm. I am different,” I thought. There was no thought of jealousy, only pride and general enjoyment of the Christian festivities.
For example, as a life-long singer (Kiri te Kanawa doesn’t have to worry), I was always in chorus, including the All-City Chorus, then run by the legendary Peter J. Wilhousky, an ardent Catholic, who made sure we sang every song that had a “Holy” someone in it. My favorites in chorus were always The Halleluja Chorus and Hosanna — Christian songs. I neither cared, nor was converted. It was the music that was heavenly to me. I adored the people on the street not scowling. The shop windows were glorious, and with age, I thought, Thank God, I don’t have to go in there. Somewhere between my adolescence and eventual death, someone, somewhere (no doubt a toy manufacturer) decided, “JEWISH CHILDREN MUST BE JEALOUS! GIVE THEM CHRIST –MAKKAH! OR, MAKE HANUKKAH (a not very important holiday), like a Jewish Mardi Gras.
STRATEGIC TAKE-AWAY: And now, the strategic, not religious metaphor I promised you. I was different. And that was Okay. There would be things I could not do, would not do, would do, might do, that are quirky, odd, wise, dumb. But never jealous. Why? Because, I’m different. Not just in my beliefs, but in every custom fiber of my Marniehood. With such a strategy, there is no sense in jealousy. How can an Oompa Loompa be jealous of a Munchkin?
Personally, I don’t care if you DO celebrate Festivus (Seinfeld), as long as hurting Jews or anyone isn’t involved. But the true joy is absolute acceptance of who we are, different as snowflakes – yet with hopefully a similar goal – to survive without slipping.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: MARNIE MACAULEY MS, COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY IS THE FOUNDER OF STRATEGIC RELATIONSHIP THINKING:
THESRTWAY.COM. For in person sessions in Las Vegas, or speaking engagements, including marital, parental and work issues, you can reach MARNIE at MARNIEMACAULEY@GMAIL.COM or for Remote: Zoom. 702 258 9904
Recently seen on NBC and CBS news (Vegas), quirky, no-nonsense, funny, Marnie Macauley MS, Columbia University – Creator of Strategic
Relationship Thinking, (an innovative way to solve problems),writer, editor, author, lecturer, clinician, and administrator – is a straight-shooter, who has a distinctive voice and takes on the world in her columns, features, and books. Among other places, her advice column was syndicated through Tribune Media Services, Marnie has written over 20 books/calendars, including the series “A Little Joy, A Little Oy. Her books include Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother; and; A Little Joy, A Little Oy; (winner best calendar content, pub. AndrewsMcMeel). She is also a “calendar queen” having written over 20. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award. Thefullwiki.org has listed Marnie Macauley on their list of top Jewish American writers, dead or living. (She’s still deciding which.) She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Nevada. Contact: MARNIEMACAULEY@GMAIL.COM, WWW.THESRTWAY.COM